OUR OUTSIDE COMPASS

When we grow up we are born into values and rules of the society, culture and our families. This is all given to us based on what is right/wrong, good/bad and works for many of us as our unconscious compass through life. When we were small we needed this, we needed to follow to fit in and fit in to survive. Since we were absolutely, for many years, depended on our caretakers. 

Growing up we keep this values, inhabit them as they were our own and some of us never even question them. Others fight back, going into a role of a rebel – working against all the rules not wanting to follow. But nevertheless, still caught in the rules – just in the opposite direction. 

We tend to measure our success and how well we are doing something in relation to what we were taught from the outside. Letting guilt and shame be telling us if we are inline or not. 

This outside compass is guiding us around what to study, work with, whom to be with, where to live, what to do and not do, WHO to be. All the things in life that there is a should or should not around and the proof if we succeeded lies on the outside and their evaluation of us and our performance. 

Another path is to start to tune into our inner compass, and what I want to talk about today – our Intention. 

OUR INTENTION IS ”THE WHY” – NOT ”THE HOW” 

Another aspect of our outside compass, built upon certain beliefs and standards, are that when following them we are focused on ”how” to make something happen instead of ”why” we want it to happen. In the perspective of societies standards, the ”why” isn’t important, but from the perspective of reconnecting to our inner compass it’s crucial. By shifting the question inwards and to the intention behind – why we are doing or choosing something is to reclaim our power. 

When we are clear about our intention we have an inner guidance and we can measure how ”well” something works in relation to this intention instead of how good or bad it was accordingly to outside standards. 

We will also offer ourselves a bigger freedom in being creative by being clear about our intention since there are many possibilities to meet our needs (live inline with our intention). It is not based on one specific outcome or goal like most of our fixed beliefs are. 

AN INTENTION WE CAN LIVE NOW – A GOAL IS ALWAYS LATER

The difference between being goal oriented and intention based is that a goal always lies in the future, while an intention is something we can live here and now. Another word for intention is need (find a needs list here to know more) and our needs are always alive in the present moment. You can say that they are our life force or life energy and are showing up in us either as a lack (a need wanting to be met) or as a fullness (a need that is met). Since our needs are based in the present moment we can only meet them in the present moment. 

The very same action can have very different intentions behind and therefore it is hard to know what works if we don’t ́t know what the intention behind is. 

For example I could want to share something with someone for many reasons – to meet my need for honest expression, connection, clarity, feedback or reassurance, joy or celebration. All of them can be lived in the moment while I am sharing. So I am bringing the responsibility home to myself and taking away wanting the other one to be or act in any specific way. 

And on the other side if I have a goal with what I share, for example that the other should say yes to something or agree with me, I come from a place where it is hard for me to be honest because I am attached to a certain outcome. We are disconnected from the present moment and become dependent on the outside to look in a specific way. How do you think this is for the person receiving you? 

GUIDED BY OUR INNER

So when letting go of the outside standards that we have been taught to follow we will need another form of guidance. The transition can be rocky and in my experience most likely not linear. We will need to be patient and compassionate towards ourselves and others. We will need to practice being aware of our intention and shift our perspective into an inner focus instead of an outer. And finally we will need to meet our feeling of guilt when going our own way, which might be against the rules of our outside compass. 

INVITATIONS FOR SELF INQUIRY AROUND INTENTION:

• Explore ”the why” in your life and in the activities you enjoy by asking the question ”How come I want to engage in this activity? What is/are the need/s I am trying to meet?” 

• Explore the difference between connecting to your intention before sharing something with someone and not doing so. What is the effect? How is it for you while you are sharing when you are clear about your intention and when you are not? 

• Practice checking how well something went by seeing if it was inline/met your intention.

• Explore, by writing on a piece of paper, what ideas, beliefs and standards are involved in your outside compass and how it has been/are showing up in your life and decisions.